Dare To Suck! 5 Power Rules
“This is the part of the show where we dare to suck!”
Those are the words that I heard from Carol King during one of her concerts a couple of years ago. If this dates me then I only hope all of you can sing and dance like Carol when you are 63! She went on to explain that in order to stay fresh and alive during their tour, the band challenges themselves every concert to improvise and write a song in the middle of their performance. Each night one band member is responsible for bringing a piece of a song- melody, lyric or an idea that they then throw out to the other band members and they play off that. And as Carol said, some nights they write great songs and other nights they really suck! They took this risk in front of thousands of people. She went on to say that some of their worst creations during the concert end up being an inspiration for a great song later on.
- Do you shy away from challenges you know you should take?
- Do you obsess with worry when moving out of your comfort zone?
- Do you find your ability to be creative shunted by your fear of failure?
- Does your need for perfection keep you stuck from taking that next step towards your goal?
I keep that image of Carol and her band with me before I step into a big challenge. It helps me to release my need for perfection and manage my emotions as I step out of my comfort zone taking a risk! If Carol can do it, then I can do it!
Here are 5 Rules that will help you to steady yourself as you take actions that scare you! And I highly recommend you regularly do things that scare you…
Rule #1 A.F.G.O.… Another Freakin’ Growth Opportunity
SMACK! Life hits you on the side of the head with a disappointment, rejection or surprise turn of events that you never expected and don’t want now! The hardy and resilient people ask their self:
- What lesson is there here for me to learn?
- How is this an opportunity for growth?
- Whose lesson is it?
An A.F.G.O. is an attitude of those who not only survive but also thrive during challenges. They bounce instead of crash. So, rather than being defeated or victimized…. Start asking the set of questions above that acknowledge the challenge and frame it as an opportunity.
“The best ideas and the greatest inventions are hidden in bureau drawers or in boxes in the cellar. People hear a few “No’s” and they give up, dejected and discouraged, and go home. If you are going any further, then get used to rejection. You will have to hear “No”, adapt and move on.”
This was great advice I heard from a copyright and patent lawyer years ago when I wrote my first book.
An attitude of A.F.G.O. will keep those great ideas and inventions out of the closet and into the hands of those who want and need them!
Rule #2: Make it a Game:
“My goal is to get rejected from 10 shows this year.”
The women accepting the art show entries looked at my client surprised and said, “Well, my goal is to get into 3 shows and win 2 awards.”
My client, an artist building her business, called me distressed as she recounted her conversation upon entering a painting into a show.
My client asked me… “Am I looking at this wrong?”
And my answer is “No”. Make collecting No’s part of the game… because it is!
“5 No’s until a show” helps to depersonalize the rejection by making it part of the Art Show Entry Game.
She has been rejected, bounced back with little distress, persevered to apply to other shows and been invited into some. She minimizes the extreme discouraging disappointment that can make others go home, stop trying and put those masterpieces in the attic.
The concept of a game increases your sustainability. Our goal is to bounce, and move along as we say, “Next!”
Who is going to show resilience and hang in there? The person who knows that No’s are a part of this game or the other entrepreneur who expects only Yes…
This game includes the positive image of showing and selling in galleries and studios while minimizing the emotions of receiving multiple NO’s…
Rule #3: Expect the Fears, Jitters, Self Doubt And… Actually Welcome Them
What happens when you roll out pizza dough?
First, you put your rolling pin onto the dough and begin the strenuous and tedious process of pushing out the edges into the shape of the pan that you are putting it into. One of the things you must do is actually stretch the dough so that it is bigger than the pan because as soon as you stop rolling out the dough… it shrinks! Often it takes many “shrink backs” followed by rolling it out again before it stays put.
I call this totally expected phenomenon “Shrink Back” and it happens in life too!
Think of your most recent challenge. After you initiated it or were in the middle of rolling it out, did the self-doubts and self-sabotaging thoughts begin?
- Why did I do this?
- What made me think this was a good idea?
- Where is the escape route?
- Can someone come and save me?
You are experiencing the same thing as the pizza dough that has been stretched to its limits and then constricts back.
So, next time surprise “it” when those fears show up during your next challenge and say, “Hello Shrink Back, I was expecting you.” Because the fears and self-doubts show up when you “Dare To Suck”. When you expect the self-sabotaging thoughts then you can stop being ambushed them… …
Rule #4: Own Your Message From Your Integrity and Claim Your Value
Picture a Seesaw on a child’s playground:
Imagine that sitting on one end is your desire for success and teetering on the other end is your fear of failing.
Can you picture that? Well, how do you get this seesaw to balance? Sometimes your desire for success is stronger than your fear of failing and other days it is the other way around….
Who is going to get on a seesaw when there is no point of balance in the middle?
So, what is the balancing point that encourages you to get in the game and stay to play?
- You must find and acknowledge your value in your role, product, service or idea.
- State your truthful message to yourself and claim yourself as a contribution in others’ lives.
- Create or find an image of what your value is to others that inspires you to keep challenging yourself.
That is the balancing point. That is the truth that brings you back into center and helps you to right yourself again during risk.
Rule #5: Get Allies
If you do not seek out allies and helpers then you will be isolated and weak.”
~Sun Tzo
Does anyone make it to the Olympics without a coach?
Allies come in all different shapes, sizes and colors. They may: teach, encourage, model, critique, put out their hand for a rescue and believe in you when you may not. There are groups and individuals who are there for this reason. Seek out allies so you can sustain your momentum during adversity and over time.
Challenge is an essential ingredient to staying alive both in your home, business and relationships. I do not mean alive in the sense of surviving, I mean alive in the sense of being connected to what really matters, making you feel energized and alive. We must develop a frame for our creative and challenging times that make it comfortable to stretch, drop the need for perfection and the façade of looking good as we try new things that scare us.
Getting out of our comfort zone and getting comfortable being uncomfortable is the only way we can create the lives, businesses, homes and relationships that we desire.
I never saw pizza dough become a pizza without stretching, did you?
So, you are learning from the master of longevity, challenge and creation- Carol King… The next time you get the sensation when taking a risk that feels like,
“I feel the earth move under my feet,
I feel the sky tumbling down…”
Are you going to run for cover or
stay in the game, muster your courage and Dare To Suck?
Anne Barry Jolles is a Life Coach, Author and Speaker
Web:www.annejolles.com Phone: 781-878-8589
Her latest book being released in 2008 is,
“Rise and Shine Anytime”
Simple Questions to Wake Up Your Life